WORDS ON PLAY
Play can change your life if you let it. Exploring corners of your mind, letting go of the seriousness of the world without drugs or booze. Letting doing influence your thinking, instead of the other way around. Where is that healthfully possible in today’s world? Not spouting off on the internet, but consciously allowing yourself to be guided by an experience? This is the core of what we do in my Domination sessions.
In the BDSM community, being in a scene is often referred to as “playing.” This correlation is so powerful, as games and playtime tend to fall by the wayside when growing up and adulthood take over our lives. As part of human development, we need to be socialized as children. We are encouraged to play and be creative and do stuff for the sake of doing it during that short period of our lives, before making money supersedes having fun and moving your body becomes a chore. We learn so much during that time. Just because our adult brains aren’t quite the sponges they once were does not mean we have nothing to learn.
My favorite TED Talk (yeah yeah, nerd alert), “How to find a wonderful idea” by OK Go, speaks on how they came up with some of the most surprising and fun music videos I’ve ever seen [watch the talk here; the heart of what I’m referencing starts around 7:00]. Remember the treadmill guys? That’s them. They did a video with trained dogs doing tricks. They hid a marching band throughout the woods and integrated everyone throughout a three-and-a-half-minute single-take. They filmed inside an anti-gravity plane for another. And apparently, they started doing these things without knowing exactly what the end result would look like. They didn’t sit around and plan every shot. They spent a full third of their anti-gravity video budget flying around figuring out what would work and what would look best, and you know what? It is a truly impressive video [watch here].
Same theory when it is time to sketch out a scene with my trusted submissives. There is an idea or focus, whether a certain kink or activity, perhaps even a timeline, AND I like flexibility. I am able to create in the moment quite skillfully with those who trust me to do so. Even my most anxiety-ridden sub and I have an understanding: though we plan most things in advance, I am now able to bring up last-minute ideas and not derail us. The beauty of a longterm D/s relationship is that our negotiations are fewer and feel more natural knowing the nuances of the other’s wants and boundaries, much like recurring co-stars onstage or screen. Trust on both sides enables this, along with the safe pushing of those boundaries.
Before session, I may inquire as to my subject’s cravings and fantasies as of late. They kiss my feet, and the comfort of our dynamic settles over us. We find out which buttons are sensitive, what fantasies want attention that day. It’s like I’m back in rehearsal when the director or choreographer didn’t have a section pre-planned. We have a goal, an objective. We want this person to end up over there. How do we make that happen? There are various ways, and we’ve done it before. We like some standard moves, and sometimes it’s fun to find a surprise.
The best sessions feel like a collaboration. I want my pet to end up in subspace. How do we make that happen? Let’s explore! I am director, producer, actress, and critic. Subby is both scene partner and interactive audience. Maybe he’s in the writer’s room, or he might prefer a cold reading. I’m also the specialist hired to make sure everyone is safe during stage combat or securely rig the lights and flying harnesses. Everyone pitches in to make a great play succeed. There’s that word again…
Dive in. Do the thing. Come play.